Hooray!

Well guess who has a snazzy new laptop of her very own?  I'm thinking that access to a camera and a computer might be enough to make me take up blogging again....

So What?

So What Wednesday

Go link up!

• So what if I can't get the button to upload for me today?  The thought was there. 
• I'm thrilled to see how many other people add stuff they've already done to their to-do lists, just so they can cross them off. I feel better knowing I'm not the only werido who does this.
• This is more of a confession:  there are some blogs I read that I don't know why I read them.  They generally leave me feeling like shit, either because I'm fat or a shitty mom or a shitty human being or some combination of the above.  I'm fully aware it's bad for my mental health.  But I can't stop reading them.
• The kids and I had strawberry shortcake for breakfast yesterday.  But it was made from scratch!  And really, if biscuits and gravy is considered a breakfast, then why not biscuits and fruit (and fresh whipped cream)? 
• I am completely obsessed with my new iPhone.  I've had it for less than a week and already I don't understand how I ever lived without it.  (Thank you, Facebook friends, who talked me into it.) 

And on that note, are there any apps you think are must-haves?  (I already have Angry Birds and am obsessed.  And Words with Friends.)

So What Wednesday

So what if....

• I only blog for SWW.  I like the easy, bullet-style format.  And I'm lazy.
• I hate blogs that play music.  I immediately click out of it.  I don't even bother going back to find the button to shut off the music.  I'm at work...I can't read your blog if my boss knows I'm reading your blog.
• I let my three year-old daughter wear perfume.  I sometimes worry that I'm going to turn her into a trollop, but she likes to be like Mom.  (I only let her wear Clinique Happy.  Partially because it's my least favorite, partially because it's light enough to seem slightly more appropriate.)
• I hate commercial holidays, like Valentine's Day and Mothers' Day.  I have absolutely zero desire to go out for supper or brunch at the same time at every other person in the known universe.  There is nothing romantic about being shoved in and out of a restarurant as quickly as possible (and being charged "special" [ie, higher] prices for the pleasure); nor is there anything special about going out to brunch on the same day as every other mother and her demon spawn, I mean, children.  (Not say that your kids are horrible, just that ill-behaved children abound on Mothers' Day.)  These feelings may be due to too many years waiting tables.
• I haven't lost the baby weight three years later. 
• If I don't really mean that last "So What?" 
• I'm getting the iPhone and I am beyond excited to get one of the fitness/weightloss apps so I finally DO lose the baby weight.
• But the main reason I'm excited for the iPhone is so I can play Angry Birds.

What better way to get back into blogging than by riding on someone else's coattails? 

This week, I'm saying SO WHAT! if....

• I watched "Enchanted" and enjoyed it far more than a woman my age should.  And then ran out and bought it for Leah *cough*.
• I eat an entire pint of Ben and Jerry's Karamel Sutra in one sitting.  (That's why I don't buy it very often!)
• I did laundry on Sunday and still haven't gotten around to putting it away.
• I love reading Mormon-Mommy-Blogs.  I'm not sure why, but they fascinate me.
• I find myself telling stories and saying, "Really, it would have been better with booze."  I swear I'm not an alcoholic.  I just really like beer.  And whiskey.  And sometimes wine.
• I feel like a lame "so what!" participant because I can't come up with anything more.  I'll try harder next week!

My son thinks I'm an idiot.

Conversation with Darren:

Darren:  "Mom, triceratops was an herbivore."
Me, uncertain that I've heard him correctly:  "He was a what?"
Darren, rolling his eyes, sighing drammatically:  "He ate plants."

I love that my son mistakes my incredulity for stupidity.

Lemonade Cookies

In December, I started getting migraines.  Long story short, I'm now on a prophylactic (which I previously thought was a fancy word for "condom," but apparently means anything that is a preventative measure), and I learned my triggers...coffee and chocolate [insert wracking sobs].  I don't regret giving up chocolate (turns out I'm a much nicer person when I don't feel like shit), but I sure do miss it.  I'm now at a loss for what to bake.  All my go-to recipes seem to involve chocolate.  Grandma's Chocolate Cake is definitely out.  No more Special K Bars for me.  And what about cookies?  Is there any kind of cookie but chocolate chip?  So when I saw this recipe for Lemonade Cookies, I was excited to try something sweet that wasn't headache-inducing.

I was not disappointed.  You can find the original recipe at Gram's Recipe Box, where she transcribes the recipe from the card.  I did make a couple changes worth noting (are there people who follow the recipe exactly?).  First, I doubled the recipe, which isn't a change per se, but the recipe calls for 6 oz. lemonade, and I've only ever seen 12 oz. cans.  (And when it comes to cookies, I'm a "more is more" kind of girl, anyway.  I hate the constant hovering that baking cookies involves, so if I'm going to mess with it, I want to make it worth my effort.)  Also, do make sure that you read ahead and reserve 1/2 c. of lemonade with which to brush the cookies after baking.  The transcribed recipe isn't very clear on this.  Finally, I added a teaspooon of salt (again, for a double batch).  They likely would have been fine without it, but I'm skeptical of any recipe that doesn't call for at least a little salt. 

I baked the cookies at 400 for 12 minutes (my oven runs low/slow) and they turned out perfectly.  They remind me of a sugar cookie, but with a bit of bite.  Not too sweet, not too tart...just right.  Crisp around the edges, but soft in the center. 

Are they chocolate chip cookies?  No.  But they are delightful.

Snippets from a Surreal Life

I texted my ex, asking him if he could take the kids this Friday night since I have plans. He called me back to tell me that was fine, but it would cost me..... Maybe a blow job?

Seriously.

I could not make this shit up.

I burst out laughing and said, "I wouldn't blow you when we were married. Why on earth would I do it now?" He said, "Well because we're divorced. It's exciting now. Like Kiss said: 'Let's put the ex in sex'." I said, "Let's not."

He then asked me to please edit his resume and cover letter. Which is slightly more normal, I suppose.

Please tell me: on what planet is it appropriate to ask your ex-wife for oral sex?